I kind of understand how she feels. Not that I don't love my family. I love them so much, I don't know who I would be without them. My husband is truly my best friend, and I'm not saying that to be cheesy, he really is. I would always choose to hang out with him and AJ than with anyone else, but I know we also have friends and family that love us and need our attention. And AJ is such an awesome, amazing child, I pinch my self regularly because I cannot believe how blessed I am to be his mommy. He is so smart and loving and silly and crazy and sometimes challenging. So sometimes, yes, I'm glad to have a few hours away.
We need breaks from each other. I've always known I wanted to be a mother, and hopefully a stay-at-home mom. Truthfully though, I am grateful that I can work part time at a job that I love, and spend most of my time with him. But there is such a thing as too much time together. When I go to work, he gets to go to the sitters and play with other little boys his age, and I get a few hours without someone pulling on my pant legs. When I get home from work, we are so happy to see each other, he runs from the other side of the house to jump into my arms and say hi. That is the best feeling ever.
But is it terrible that sometimes I take him to the sitters early so I can go get a pedicure and eat lunch by myself? I relish eating meals alone, not having to hover over my plate like a prison inmate. I am all about sharing, but when he's already eaten, and he comes and takes one bite out of each strawberry on my plate, it bothers me. I guess that sounds kind of selfish. But sometimes it would be nice to eat my own meal in peace.
I also find myself dreaming of a king size bed all to myself. This is not just because of AJ. He actually rarely sleeps with us, but sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and asks to sleep in our room, and who can say no to that cute, snugly, sleepy little angel? Not I. So yes, sometimes he sleeps the rest of the night in our bed, which is great for cuddling, but not for mommy getting any sleep. A- I just don't sleep very well with him because I am just too aware of him and his movements, and B- I always get the feet/butt end of him. Of course Dave likes sleeping with him, because they share a pillow all cuteness overload, but I get kicked in the face all night. By him and one, if not two, dogs. I am left with one foot on the edge of the bed, scrambling to hang on. I have seriously contemplated sleeping in the guest room, but I know that at least the dogs would follow, so I just stay and hope for a nap the next day.
I feel bad leaving him with my parents on the weekends sometimes to have a date night also. Even though I know they love having him, and that he enjoys being there, I feel guilty if he's there two weekends in a row. We say no to plans with friends sometimes to hang out at home with him, but we also know that it's important to our marriage and relationship that we have time together alone. I love having date night and getting my husbands full attention, which is hard to get sometimes. I fully believe in the quote by I-don't-know-who that says, "The best thing a father can do for his son is love his mother" To teach him how to love and treat a woman, and also that our world doesn't really revolve around him, as much as some people think it should.
What I'm trying to say in this rambling blog, is that I think time to ourselves is healthy and necessary and normal to want. I would love to be able to travel WITHOUT my children, someday, not now, but someday. To be able to leave them in capable, loving hands and go away, and miss them like crazy, and come back to them refreshed and recharged and renewed in my motherly purpose in life. And is my favorite time of day nap time? Yep, pretty much, and any mother of a toddler who says different is probably lying. My day is so full of fun and busy, that those two hours of peace are bliss. Now, do I feel guilty saying all of this? Yes, of course I do. This brings on the baby guilt, which is a topic for another blog, but I feel horrible wishing for a minute to myself, so I don't really say anything, and just grin and bear it. But someday, I'll be on a beach, just me and a pina colada...and maybe Dave ;)
