The things I won't do with my child and why...

I know that we've all had this thought or conversation at some point before having children.  We see a mother doing something in the store, or hear a story on the news about a child who was injured because of something stupid that a parent did or didn't do.  We say to ourselves, "I will NEVER do that with my children!"  And the reality is that we don't know what that person is going through, or the whole story, like maybe they have a special needs child or some other circumstance.  I myself have had this conversation many times; coming from a child care background I feel like I have picked up on many things that don't work with children, or can be damaging to their psyche.  No, I am not an expert by any means, but these are a few things that I don't plan on doing with my children, the reason, and an alternative suggestion.

1. I will not force my children to say sorry.  I feel like this is teaching our children to lie from the very beginning, and taking away their free will.  Yes, as adults, I'm sure that we sometimes say, "I'm sorry" just to avoid hurting someones feelings, but we have the emotional maturity to decide that for ourselves.  Rather than force an apology, you can ask the child what they can do to make the person feel better.  That way they can decide for themselves whether it should be a sorry, a hug, or drawing them a picture.  Set an example for them by genuinely apologizing when you've made a mistake and they will follow your example.  Ordering them instead of asking them is making them a robot.

2. Along the same lines, I will not make them kiss people they don't want to.  I know we all have those older relatives who say, "Come on, give me a little kiss!" every time we see them, and that's OK, as long as we are giving our children a choice in the matter.  They have so little control of their own lives, that when we take away their personal bodily choices, it is opening up the door for some bad things to possibly take place.  I hate to go there, but having personal experience in this matter makes me especially vigilant.  They say that you never know who could be touching your child inappropriately or making unwanted advances, and that is so very true.  By forcing your children to be affectionate with every family member, you never know who you are making them hug.  I'm not saying that every person that they don't want to kiss is molesting them, but sometimes there is a reason that they are uncomfortable being affectionate with certain people. Follow your child's instincts, again asking them if they would like to kiss, hug, or high-five someone.  Giving children choices makes a world of difference. Also, set a good example for how you would like them to be physical with people.

3. I will not do "time-out".  Time out does not work.  Time out is sending your child away, shaming them.  It tells them, "I can not deal with your right now, go away."  How horrible to give a child that feeling.  Not only that, but does it ever really work? Not that I've seen.  I know people that use TO's, but the behaviors never go away, so their children are constantly in time out.  I feel like talking about the situation is a much better way to handle it, and also opens up a dialog about appropriate behavior and good choices.  Let children experience the natural consequences of their actions instead. I found this blog post to be extremely helpful and very simple. http://barefootbarn.wordpress.com/2010/03/04/time-out-doesnt-work/

4. I will not tell my child they are "OK".  I know we all have done this, it is second nature to us. A child falls and bumps something and we immediately say, "You're OK!" with a smile on our face (hopefully), or sometimes frustratedly.  We want our children to feel like they are safe and unharmed, and that intent is great, but again, then you are telling them how to feel, instead of asking.  Just saying, "ARE you OK?" instead of telling them makes a world of difference. It validates their feelings and tells them that you think they are important.  I can't tell you how many times in our toddler class a child would seem to be hurt, but as soon as I asked if they were OK, they were right as rain.  Just give them a chance to tell you how they feel instead of taking the words out of their mouth.  This is also a great way to tell if they actually are hurt, or more scared.  If they say no and are insistent, then we can work on making them feel better.

As you can probably tell, most of these are based on giving children choices and control in regards to their lives.  I have really found that it works so much better, and yes, I've tried it both ways.  Let's raise our children to be compassionate and empathetic human beings instead of automatons.  These are just a few of the more serious things I had on my mind right now, but there are many others, as well as things I said I wouldn't do before he came out that have gone to the dogs now that I really know what being a mother is like.  Have you had these thoughts?  What are the things you've said, "I'll never ..." to?

Four Gifts

4 Christmas gifts.


Well, I was challenged by my favorite blogger Colleen Oakes over at The Ranunculus Adventure, who got an idea from one of her favorite bloggers Erika at Something Beautiful to do a blog about my 4 Christmas gifts.  I had heard of this idea this year to adopt with your children as a way to cut down on superfluous gifts and junk at Christmas.  I know that a lot of people use this idea as well.  Basically it's one gift they want, one they need, one they'll wear and one they'll read.  I love that it has a little of everything, and still gives the child room to make good choices.  Also, this way the list won't be just filled with video games. (Like my husbands and grown brothers lists are.)

Anyway, Erika and Colleen both came up with their 4 gift list, and challenged me to as well.  You know my thoughts on a list, but this one is for fun and really made me think.  Here goes!

One thing I want: A CHI hair straightener.  I have wanted one of these for years. I know that they are pretty much the top of the line for hair tools, and the one I have now is on its last leg.  Old, crappy, and covered in gunk.  If I didn't want one before, I definitely fell in love when I used Colleens on her hair last year at a girls night out.  They are awesome!

One thing I need:  New pans.  Once again, the ones I own are old and crappy, and you can only scorch  them so many times before you throw it at the wall trying to clean tomato soup off the bottom!  I have a cheap set of Farberware from when I first moved out, that has been supplemented over the years with a couple cool pieces from my mom.  Also, the only other thing that I "need" is a folding step ladder for my kitchen, and that's no fun.

One thing I'll wear: Well, I've noticed that I have developed a pattern the last few years.  I didn't notice till last year, but I'll admit it.  I have a coat problem.  4 years ago, I wanted an awesome hot pink wool coat from Target.  3 years ago, a fluffy white jacket that I spotted while on vacation in San Diego.  2 years ago, a red and white Columbia ski jacket, and last year, a black hooded peacoat.  I still have them all, (Thanks Mom) but every year I feel like something new.  I didn't ask for one this year on purpose, because I know I don't need one, even if I want one.  But if I did get one, this one from Lane Bryant is supercute!

And One thing I'll read:  Since the new Diana Gabaldon book doesn't come out until next fall, I think I would say that I would like a subscription to SELF magazine.  I used to get it and it's very motivational to me.

(Oh, Sarah Braverman, I love you!)

Funny Side note.  Colleen talked about how she sent her husband to her Pinterest page as a Christmas list for her.  While this is a great idea, here's why it doesn't work for me.  My mom actually told my husband to do that for my birthday, but here's what he found.  This gorgeous leather jacket, and beautiful purse.  What's the problem you say? Oh, only that they're crazy expensive!  I don't price check the things I post, I just pin them because they're pretty.  Really, it's not a logical or realistic pin board, it's a fantasy.  But in the Christmas of my dreams, these are under my tree!

Pinterest Sunday Dinner

Pinterest Sunday Dinner

One of my favorite lunches to eat out is Olive Gardens all-you-can-eat soup, salad, and bread sticks.  I am head over heels for their Zuppa Toscana, a creamy yet spicy sausage and potato soup with kale.  Yes, kale.  It looks like this.

That's my homemade version from a recipe I found on, of course, Pinterest.  Yes I am obsessed with Pinterest, but it just makes my life so easy.  No searching through cookbooks for that one recipe I saw that one time.  Pin it, make it, bam!  Done.  Anyway, we do Sunday dinners together in my family every week, and I like to take a turn every now and then to give my mom a break.  But lately nothing has sounded good, so I had to make something new.  Soup and salad is great and easy.  You can find the recipe for Zuppa Toscana here...http://getcrocked.com/2011/10/23/crock-pot-zuppa-toscana-copycat/ I may get lost in this blog sometime soon, I am obsessed with making dinner in the crockpot.

But I didn't feel like Olive Garden salad, even though you can find their dressing recipe in a heartbeat on the Internet.  I actually don't like their salad that much, it's just kind of meh.  So I decided on our families favorite salad, literally called That Good Salad.  My mom found the recipe in a Taste of Home cookbook, like, 15 years ago and we've been making it ever since.  I think every person in my family who cooks knows the recipe by heart.

Large bag of Romaine (I always buy the big bag from Sam's club.  We eat that much of it!)
1 cup shredded Swiss
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan
1/2 cup toasted slivered almonds
1 lb bacon, diced and cooked
Croutons, usually a cup or two, as many as you like
3 Roma tomatoes, diced (you can use whatever type of tomatoes you like, as many or few as you like)

Dressing-
1/4 cup lemon juice
3/4 cup oil
2-3 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper to taste.
Mix well in a jar or Tupperware.  If it sits for a bit the flavors come together really well.

Pretty much just put all of the salad ingredients together in a large bowl and toss with dressing.  It really tastes best if you dress the whole salad together, so do it just before you are ready to eat it.  Also, very important to the taste I feel is fresh ingredients.  No microwave bacon, or bottled lemon juice, or minced garlic from a jar.  It just tastes...different.  We seriously eat this every few weeks at our house, it's THAT good, hence the name.

For dessert, I made what my mom calls Lemon Lush.  I also found this on Pinterest, but the recipe has been around for forever.  I love it because it tastes like a cookie I love covered in pudding.  I did double the crust recipe, because when I put it in the pan it just didn't seem like enough.  We also decided it would taste amazing with chocolate pudding instead of lemon!http://www.grandmaskitchen.com/recipes/treasured-desserts/luscious-lemon-delight/




And here is a picture of my super cute sous chef! He is always such a big help ; )

The Christmas list thing...

This Christmas List thing...

Christmas lists are kind of the bane of my existence right now.  I hate them for several reasons, listed here:

-They are so impersonal. It's like making a list of things for people to buy you.  I know that that's literally what they are, but seriously.  I hate that it takes all the surprise out of Christmas morning, like, "Oh, look how I got everything on my list..." Not exciting.

-You have to coordinate withe everyone else who has the list, and constantly communicate about who is getting what for whom, and etcetera, etcetera! (King and I anyone?)  Along with that, you generally have to make multiple lists for different sides of the family, or different groups of people that you are having exchanges with.  Case in point, my mom bought something on black Friday at 10 am that my husband had already bought at 6 am, and when she found out, she had to stand in line for 45 minutes just to return it.  That makes you feel all Christmassy inside for sure.

-As adults who work and make a living, we are fortunate enough to be able to buy the things that we like and need for ourselves, making it pretty hard to make a list.   The things that usually make our list are Blue-rays and such, but if we all have DVD's on our lists, why can't we all just go buy the ones that we want?


What happened to the days of buying a gift for someone because you are inspired by something you see, or you know a person enough to find something that they love?  My mom is amazing at this. She just listens and knows us well enough that every Christmas we are so surprised by the gifts that we forgot that we wanted. We could mention something  we like in July, or she'll notice something we don't have while making a meal and BAM!  you get it for Christmas.  She is kind of my hero that way. (Well, in a lot of ways...)

I know that lists help us avoid the whole returning process.  My mom used to return everything my dad bought her until he wised up and started buying gift cards, which are also a cop-out.  At the other extreme, my husband will just shove the gifts, still in their boxes, in the back of the closet, where I will find them in July. I like lists that just give general suggestions or ideas, like sweaters, or books about bugs, or whatever.  That still leaves room for your own creativity and ideas.  Guidelines are fine, a shopping list, not.  A guideline list for kids that you don't see a lot can be helpful too.  If you don't spend much time with them, then you probably don't know what they're interested in, or already have. But there has got to be a better way.  Anyone have any tips on what your family does?  I just know I'm over it, and everyone is getting underwear from me this year :D

Baby Led Weaning: Why we do it

When I was pregnant with AJ, I was very excited to make all my own baby food and cook for him.  We are all about saving money while we still can with him, plus I didn't want him to be consuming all the preservatives and things in packaged baby food.  Soooo, fast forward to AJ at almost 6 months old. We were getting ready to start eating solids at 6 months old, because our pediatrician really encouraged me to nurse exclusively until 6 months because of some added benefits.  Anyway, a friend mentioned a class she had heard about at The Motherhood Denver on baby led weaning. Baby Led Weaning (BLW) is a philosophy for feeding infants whole solids from the start, essentially skipping the mush and puree stage.  Babies are given chunks of whole food big enough to hold in their fist, generally steamed or soft, like banana, mango and avocado.  I was definitely intrigued. How easy! I went home and googled it, (of course, because I am a google-er, a real life Hermione), and found their website/blog at www.babyledweaning.com.   The website was very helpful in giving me more information and answering some questions that I had, and I knew my mother would have.  Plus, it's written by a very funny British gal, and who doesn't love Brit things!  Well, here are some of the take-away facts, and  the whys.

-At 6 months of age, babies are developmentally ready to reach for things and put them in their mouth.  AJ was already doing this with EVERYTHING, one key indicator that he was ready for food period.

-BLW allows for babies to have control over how much of what they are eating.  With baby food, a lot of the time we encourage the child to finish the jar, or serving etc., but here they are capable of stopping when they are full.  Babies aren't programed to clean their plate, they stop when they don't want any more.

-With BLW, children learn to eat in a more logical way, chewing first, and then learning to swallow, instead of vice versa like most of society.

So here's some of our experiences with Baby Led Weaning.

(This was literally our first day with solids!)

First off I asked my pediatrician what she thought of it, mostly because my Mom told me to, she was worried about choking.  My pediatrician first asked me what my thoughts were, what I had read and what I planned to feed him first.  Well, I told her basically everything above this, and she said, "Sounds great, he just needs some iron too." Awesome, let's do this!  So, we started off with carrots and banana the first day. Also some iron fortified rice cereal.  Here's what he thought of that...

But now he loves it.
But truthfully, the first day was not as fantastic as I thought it would be.  He ate a little bit of the food, but not a ton.  But we kept at it for a few weeks, with a couple different foods, like avocado, peaches, pears, squash, and sweet potato.  And once he got used to it, he loved it!  He eats so well now, and at 8 months, he is eating so many things that most people would never even think of feeding an infant.  He's had pasta with sausage, pork chops, chicken noodles, and some pulled pork sandwich!  As long as the bites are reasonably sized, and he is always very carefully supervised, there's no reason that he can't eat most of what we eat.

Now the concerns that I'm sure you have... (like my mother did)
Doesn't he choke?! -No, not really.  Does he gag? Yes, it's a natural part of the learning experience, and it would and does happen even at 1 year when babies usually start eating solids.  He is very good at gagging a piece back up and re swallowing it.  Like I said, close supervision is key.

How does he chew?- All the foods that AJ is given are steamed or soft naturally, so he can just "gum" the food until it's soft enough to swallow. He does end up swallowing a lot of chunks whole, but that's OK, it's still food in the belly.  He has recently gotten his first tooth, and he finds it very helpful in taking bites :)

Isn't this messy?- Yes, it is, but so is baby food.  This is less messy I feel, but I also have 2 very cute vacuum cleaners.  Plus think of all the paraphernalia and such that it takes to make baby food, and the disaster that it would make of your kitchen.  Here, I just microwave a sweet potato, or bake a squash, (so easy!) and bam!  We're done making lunch.  It's also very convenient, he can eat something pretty much anywhere we go, or it's super easy to just pack up some fruit or veggies to go wherever with us.

Also, here's a few things I do differently, but that's just me.  I do break off little pieces and put them in his mouth, usually because the food is too slippery for him, or he squeezes so tight that he mushes it all up.  He does just fine with that, and he stops taking bites once he's full.   Also, he does eat cereal, yogurt, and applesauce from a spoon, so he can do both ways, but the majority of food he takes in he feeds himself.  And lastly, no, I didn't wait 4 days between introducing new foods, mainly because I know that food allergies present symptoms within minutes, so I just keep a careful watch while he eats.

So there it is.  That's how we feed AJ and will feed all subsequent children that we have.  It really makes sense to me.  It's very natural, and really, how did people feed their babies before food-processors and blenders, and processed baby food?!  Plus this is so much more cost effective.  He can eat what we eat, and actually eats a lot healthier than we do, more veggies and such.  I hear about so many parents who have a child around 10-12 months who is having trouble starting solid foods, because they do choke, but here, he learned to chew first, so we don't have that problem. What more can I say?  Fell free to leave a message with any questions you have, and no judgement at all if you don't agree with the way we do things.  It works for us, and thats what matters!

Eh, wat's up doc?

The things that I am...

I know that people say, "I am not what I do", but in a lot of ways, I feel like I do the things that I do because I love them, so they do define me.  There are so many facets to my life that I thought I should share a few with you, so that you can know where I am coming from in blog posts to come.

I am a family woman.  My family is everything to me.  My husband and my parents are my best friends.  I seriously love hanging out with my husband more than most things in life.  My favorite place to be in life is next to him on the couch watching a movie, or reading a book while he plays XBOX.  This is him, my Dave, and I love him A LOT!

My parents are seriously the best.  I may have under appreciated them when I was a teenager, (who didn't though,)  but I feel like I owe them everything now.  I live literally 2 minutes away from them, and we see them at least 2-3 times a week.  They watch my little one while I work part time, and my mom still cooks dinner every Sunday for everyone.

And obviously, from the blog name, I am a mom.  8 months ago, I gave birth to the most beautiful little angel there ever was!  I know this sounds cliche, and every parent feels this way, but seriously, he is.  And don't think that I'm not terrified that my next one will be a demon, since this one is so good, I fear it every day :)  AJ will be featured on here a lot since it's a mommy blog, so just a fair warning that you'll see this cute face quite a bit.

Besides those key players, there's also my 2 brothers, Justin and Cody, my sister in law Amanda, and my cousin Breezy and her family.  I love these people so much that I choose to hang out with them on a regular basis.  We do game nights, and dinner, and hang out just because we enjoy each others company.

I love to cook.
My mom is an amazing cook.  She pretty much rocks and making everything.  My Dad thinks he is Emeril Lagasse, always making crazy Creme Brules, or cheese pinwheels or fancy things like that.  So I definitely was taught well and have good genes I guess.  I cook a lot of comfort foods, and baked goods.  Oh, the baked goods!

Definitely not good for my waistline, but when someone eats something that I've made and loves it, it just makes my day!  I am an amateur cake decorator.  My dad and aunt have done wedding cakes for as long as I can remember, and now the torch has been passed to me!  I have done several wedding cakes, but it's definitely not something I could see myself doing professionally, way too stressful!

I am a media junkie.
Whether its movies, t.v., books or live shows, I love it.  My husband and I love to watch something and see if we can name the actors and everything else that they've been in, (IMdB is a good friend of mine).
I have always had a huge love for reading, ever since I was young thanks again to my mom.  I was obsessed with The Baby-sitters Club books, and moved on to John Grisham, then to Harry Potter, and now I read pretty much everything, or did, before I had a baby.  I always said that I will always make time to read, but I haven't so much lately, and that's something I'm trying to change.

A few others things that I am/do:
I am a crafter.  Anything that I can make myself, I usually do.  I am very inspired by Pinterest, and a little addicted to it too.  A lot of what you'll see on here will be recipes or crafts I have tried from Pinterest.

I am a proud Lutheran woman.  I love my church and Pastors, and with that being said, I am also very liberal politically, and I have found that those things can conflict a lot and that's something that I struggle with currently.

I am overweight, and not happy about that.  I am comfortable with and proud of my body, but that doesn't mean that I don't wish I was healthier, not only for myself but for my son and children to come.

I am a massage therapist, but that really is just what I do.  I like it a lot, and am very good at it, but it is not my passion, nor do I want to do it for life.  It is physically hard work, that takes a toll on my body, but it is flexible, and pretty stress free so it is a great job for me while I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I "grow up".  P.S.- The word masseuse is not OK with me.  It has a bad connotation, and implies that the massage will include things that it most certainly will not include.  Thank you!

Well, that's a few things about me and what this blog will generally be about.  Thanks for taking the time to read, and hopefully you will stop by in the future to get to know me and my life a little more.