The things I won't do with my child and why...

I know that we've all had this thought or conversation at some point before having children.  We see a mother doing something in the store, or hear a story on the news about a child who was injured because of something stupid that a parent did or didn't do.  We say to ourselves, "I will NEVER do that with my children!"  And the reality is that we don't know what that person is going through, or the whole story, like maybe they have a special needs child or some other circumstance.  I myself have had this conversation many times; coming from a child care background I feel like I have picked up on many things that don't work with children, or can be damaging to their psyche.  No, I am not an expert by any means, but these are a few things that I don't plan on doing with my children, the reason, and an alternative suggestion.

1. I will not force my children to say sorry.  I feel like this is teaching our children to lie from the very beginning, and taking away their free will.  Yes, as adults, I'm sure that we sometimes say, "I'm sorry" just to avoid hurting someones feelings, but we have the emotional maturity to decide that for ourselves.  Rather than force an apology, you can ask the child what they can do to make the person feel better.  That way they can decide for themselves whether it should be a sorry, a hug, or drawing them a picture.  Set an example for them by genuinely apologizing when you've made a mistake and they will follow your example.  Ordering them instead of asking them is making them a robot.

2. Along the same lines, I will not make them kiss people they don't want to.  I know we all have those older relatives who say, "Come on, give me a little kiss!" every time we see them, and that's OK, as long as we are giving our children a choice in the matter.  They have so little control of their own lives, that when we take away their personal bodily choices, it is opening up the door for some bad things to possibly take place.  I hate to go there, but having personal experience in this matter makes me especially vigilant.  They say that you never know who could be touching your child inappropriately or making unwanted advances, and that is so very true.  By forcing your children to be affectionate with every family member, you never know who you are making them hug.  I'm not saying that every person that they don't want to kiss is molesting them, but sometimes there is a reason that they are uncomfortable being affectionate with certain people. Follow your child's instincts, again asking them if they would like to kiss, hug, or high-five someone.  Giving children choices makes a world of difference. Also, set a good example for how you would like them to be physical with people.

3. I will not do "time-out".  Time out does not work.  Time out is sending your child away, shaming them.  It tells them, "I can not deal with your right now, go away."  How horrible to give a child that feeling.  Not only that, but does it ever really work? Not that I've seen.  I know people that use TO's, but the behaviors never go away, so their children are constantly in time out.  I feel like talking about the situation is a much better way to handle it, and also opens up a dialog about appropriate behavior and good choices.  Let children experience the natural consequences of their actions instead. I found this blog post to be extremely helpful and very simple. http://barefootbarn.wordpress.com/2010/03/04/time-out-doesnt-work/

4. I will not tell my child they are "OK".  I know we all have done this, it is second nature to us. A child falls and bumps something and we immediately say, "You're OK!" with a smile on our face (hopefully), or sometimes frustratedly.  We want our children to feel like they are safe and unharmed, and that intent is great, but again, then you are telling them how to feel, instead of asking.  Just saying, "ARE you OK?" instead of telling them makes a world of difference. It validates their feelings and tells them that you think they are important.  I can't tell you how many times in our toddler class a child would seem to be hurt, but as soon as I asked if they were OK, they were right as rain.  Just give them a chance to tell you how they feel instead of taking the words out of their mouth.  This is also a great way to tell if they actually are hurt, or more scared.  If they say no and are insistent, then we can work on making them feel better.

As you can probably tell, most of these are based on giving children choices and control in regards to their lives.  I have really found that it works so much better, and yes, I've tried it both ways.  Let's raise our children to be compassionate and empathetic human beings instead of automatons.  These are just a few of the more serious things I had on my mind right now, but there are many others, as well as things I said I wouldn't do before he came out that have gone to the dogs now that I really know what being a mother is like.  Have you had these thoughts?  What are the things you've said, "I'll never ..." to?

Four Gifts

4 Christmas gifts.


Well, I was challenged by my favorite blogger Colleen Oakes over at The Ranunculus Adventure, who got an idea from one of her favorite bloggers Erika at Something Beautiful to do a blog about my 4 Christmas gifts.  I had heard of this idea this year to adopt with your children as a way to cut down on superfluous gifts and junk at Christmas.  I know that a lot of people use this idea as well.  Basically it's one gift they want, one they need, one they'll wear and one they'll read.  I love that it has a little of everything, and still gives the child room to make good choices.  Also, this way the list won't be just filled with video games. (Like my husbands and grown brothers lists are.)

Anyway, Erika and Colleen both came up with their 4 gift list, and challenged me to as well.  You know my thoughts on a list, but this one is for fun and really made me think.  Here goes!

One thing I want: A CHI hair straightener.  I have wanted one of these for years. I know that they are pretty much the top of the line for hair tools, and the one I have now is on its last leg.  Old, crappy, and covered in gunk.  If I didn't want one before, I definitely fell in love when I used Colleens on her hair last year at a girls night out.  They are awesome!

One thing I need:  New pans.  Once again, the ones I own are old and crappy, and you can only scorch  them so many times before you throw it at the wall trying to clean tomato soup off the bottom!  I have a cheap set of Farberware from when I first moved out, that has been supplemented over the years with a couple cool pieces from my mom.  Also, the only other thing that I "need" is a folding step ladder for my kitchen, and that's no fun.

One thing I'll wear: Well, I've noticed that I have developed a pattern the last few years.  I didn't notice till last year, but I'll admit it.  I have a coat problem.  4 years ago, I wanted an awesome hot pink wool coat from Target.  3 years ago, a fluffy white jacket that I spotted while on vacation in San Diego.  2 years ago, a red and white Columbia ski jacket, and last year, a black hooded peacoat.  I still have them all, (Thanks Mom) but every year I feel like something new.  I didn't ask for one this year on purpose, because I know I don't need one, even if I want one.  But if I did get one, this one from Lane Bryant is supercute!

And One thing I'll read:  Since the new Diana Gabaldon book doesn't come out until next fall, I think I would say that I would like a subscription to SELF magazine.  I used to get it and it's very motivational to me.

(Oh, Sarah Braverman, I love you!)

Funny Side note.  Colleen talked about how she sent her husband to her Pinterest page as a Christmas list for her.  While this is a great idea, here's why it doesn't work for me.  My mom actually told my husband to do that for my birthday, but here's what he found.  This gorgeous leather jacket, and beautiful purse.  What's the problem you say? Oh, only that they're crazy expensive!  I don't price check the things I post, I just pin them because they're pretty.  Really, it's not a logical or realistic pin board, it's a fantasy.  But in the Christmas of my dreams, these are under my tree!

Pinterest Sunday Dinner

Pinterest Sunday Dinner

One of my favorite lunches to eat out is Olive Gardens all-you-can-eat soup, salad, and bread sticks.  I am head over heels for their Zuppa Toscana, a creamy yet spicy sausage and potato soup with kale.  Yes, kale.  It looks like this.

That's my homemade version from a recipe I found on, of course, Pinterest.  Yes I am obsessed with Pinterest, but it just makes my life so easy.  No searching through cookbooks for that one recipe I saw that one time.  Pin it, make it, bam!  Done.  Anyway, we do Sunday dinners together in my family every week, and I like to take a turn every now and then to give my mom a break.  But lately nothing has sounded good, so I had to make something new.  Soup and salad is great and easy.  You can find the recipe for Zuppa Toscana here...http://getcrocked.com/2011/10/23/crock-pot-zuppa-toscana-copycat/ I may get lost in this blog sometime soon, I am obsessed with making dinner in the crockpot.

But I didn't feel like Olive Garden salad, even though you can find their dressing recipe in a heartbeat on the Internet.  I actually don't like their salad that much, it's just kind of meh.  So I decided on our families favorite salad, literally called That Good Salad.  My mom found the recipe in a Taste of Home cookbook, like, 15 years ago and we've been making it ever since.  I think every person in my family who cooks knows the recipe by heart.

Large bag of Romaine (I always buy the big bag from Sam's club.  We eat that much of it!)
1 cup shredded Swiss
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan
1/2 cup toasted slivered almonds
1 lb bacon, diced and cooked
Croutons, usually a cup or two, as many as you like
3 Roma tomatoes, diced (you can use whatever type of tomatoes you like, as many or few as you like)

Dressing-
1/4 cup lemon juice
3/4 cup oil
2-3 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper to taste.
Mix well in a jar or Tupperware.  If it sits for a bit the flavors come together really well.

Pretty much just put all of the salad ingredients together in a large bowl and toss with dressing.  It really tastes best if you dress the whole salad together, so do it just before you are ready to eat it.  Also, very important to the taste I feel is fresh ingredients.  No microwave bacon, or bottled lemon juice, or minced garlic from a jar.  It just tastes...different.  We seriously eat this every few weeks at our house, it's THAT good, hence the name.

For dessert, I made what my mom calls Lemon Lush.  I also found this on Pinterest, but the recipe has been around for forever.  I love it because it tastes like a cookie I love covered in pudding.  I did double the crust recipe, because when I put it in the pan it just didn't seem like enough.  We also decided it would taste amazing with chocolate pudding instead of lemon!http://www.grandmaskitchen.com/recipes/treasured-desserts/luscious-lemon-delight/




And here is a picture of my super cute sous chef! He is always such a big help ; )